I gave you LIFE!

I am getting old. Because i find myself saying things to my children like…
*”When i was young, we never had cellphones. Heck, they weren’t even invented yet!” – They all look awe-struck at this announcement. Their eyes get a faraway look as they try to imagine…a world WITHOUT cellphones…and me, their mother is a prehistoric relic of that world…

*When I was a teenager, we didnt need Bebo to communicate. We used the telephone.” Jade rolls his eyes at me. BUt honestly, the boy comes home from spending 6 hours at school with his friends and then wants to get online and talk to them on bebo? Puh-leeze.

*”I cant wait till you grow up and have a daughter and then you will know EXACTLY how it feels when she gives you that face…and that attitude…I cant wait!”

* “What the heck kind of music is this? It has no tune, the words make no sense, the beat is too loud, its driving me nuts just listening to it. Turn that crap off!”

* “I dont understand why all the girls in this music video have to run around half naked…when I was young, girls didnt dress like that – and if they DID, it was because they were you-know-whats…and up to you-dont-want-to-know…”

and the really desperate one…the one i use when I want them to…let me eat the last piece of cake, or massage my feet, or clean my room…

*”I gave you life boy! Do you know how much pain and suffering i went through to make sure you could be here on earth? Huh?!”

oh and when Im really on a roll….theres always this one…

“I used to be a skinny beautiful woman once – until carrying you blew me up beyond belief. I probably even used to have abs like Venus Williams ( its so long ago i cant remember, but its possible) BEFORE the surgeons had to destroy them and cut me open to bring you out! I probably could have been a filthy rich SUPERMODEL / ACTRESS/ TENNIS PLAYER / ASTRONAUT/ pRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES / BRAIN SURGEON / WORLD FAMOUS BALLROOM DANCER if i didnt have to devote my time AND body to being your mother! See what you children have done to me? Now…quit your complaining and show me some gratitude!”

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