Todays news is tomorrows rubbish.

So life has been rather hectic lately – hence the absence of current blogs. But I thought I would take a moment to share with you some nuggets of wisdom which I have accumulated over the last two weeks as my very first book has been thrust upon an unsuspecting public. The DO’s and DON’Ts of the media
1. DON’T wear a wrap knit top to a tv interview. ( Even though those are the kind of tops that Queen Latifah wears and she always looks hot…big, bold and beautiful…and so you copy her because you know you cant fit in the beautiful bony Angelina Jolie category.) If you choose to wear such a top, you may end up being interviewed by John Campbell from TV3 NZ at a restaurant by the ocean on a particularly windy day. And the blasted wrap knit top will keep catching in the wind and gaping open, thus revealing your lack of bodacious Queen Latifah assets. Very difficult to focus on giving intelligent answers to Campbell Live questions when one is worried about one’s top blowing open in the breeze.
2. DO make sure before your interview that the book you have written has the correct spelling of the name of any tv interviewers in it. Otherwise, John Campbell will buy you lunch and have a lovely chat with you before he goes home, reads book and finds out that you have spelt his name…John CAMERON. DUH. And you will go home and cringe in shame and hope desperately that he doesn’t decide to pay you back by ripping you to shreds on air. (or zeroing in on your blasted blowy wrap knit top)
3. DO make sure you have a mother like mine. Who prepares platters of delectable appetizers, cream puffs, and walnut frosted cakes for your very first press conference. Reporters MUCH less likely to be mean to you when their mouths are full of cream puffs. And if nothing else, when conference is over and you feel crap about it – you can drown your angst in cupcakes and cheese scones and all will be right in the universe!
4. DON’T go to a press conference alone. Go with an assertive, confident friend. ( Mine was a super woman named L.Anderson) Ensure this friend is on a first name basis with all tv crew, comfortably chats with any and all reporters, sets up venue beforehand, stays to help clean up afterward, preps you for tricky questions, and gives you pointers for the next time. Thank you L.Anderson!
5. DON’T speak with too much animation. Try your hardest to be boring and slow. Because otherwise you will look like a crack addict on hyperdrive when your interview screens. Why didn’t someone TELL me that I talk a hundred words a minute and that I keep throwing my head and hands around like Ive got a serious attention deficit disorder?!
6. DO remember that you don’t have to do everything that reporters ask you. You don’t have to answer their stupid questions in Samoan – just because they are out to capitalize on your nervousness and make you look like an idiot. When they tell you to answer in Samoan and you don’t want to, say no.( And then use really big words they will need a dictionary and a Eng Lit degree to understand.) You don’t have to tell them how old you are – just because they are trying to rub in the ‘fact’ that maybe you were waaaaay too young and inexperienced to do this book. When they ask – tell them its none of their business and do they want to tell the world how old THEY are?
7. DON’T stand next to your 8 yr old supermodel daughter when its time to take photographs. Because she will outpose you every time. And then give you tips afterward…’Mum, you really shouldn’t smile like THAT…and you should stand like this…and put your shoulders like this..and blah blah blah. (Next time I will just send her to face the media alone. She’s poise perfect and totally doesn’t get it from me. Must be the music videos. Or Hannah Montana?)
8. DON’T get your hair done in some fantastically fabulous style on the day of an interview. Because you will come home from the hairdresser and your kids will stare at you horror-struck and say, “Mum what have you done?! You look weird. What’s that on your head?” And you will have to take all the pins out and brush out the transcendental style and just put it all in a ponytail. Like you usually do. Only without paying phenomenal amount to do so.

And finally, don’t worry if you break all the rules because by tomorrow you will be yesterdays news and nobody will give a stuff about what you said, what you looked like or what you did. Thank goodness. ( They will probably still remember your mum’s exceptional baking though. Very difficult to forget heavenly delights like homemade rum balls, coconut clusters and caramel slice.)

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