I am a Junkie.

You know what gives me a breathless slightly delirious feeling?

Recycling.

I love it. They have this big wheelie bin thing that youre supposed to put all your metals, glass and plastc in and then once every two weeks, a huge truck chugs along and takes it away. Where ( Im assuming) it’s all translated into –

1. Points in heaven for me as i contribute to further saving of the planet. Like a big KACHING Bingo board where angels call out, “Lani Young, another 38 cans of Diet Coke recyled!” And all the ghosts of endangered and extinct species cheer and give me a standing ovation. Yaaaay! ( and all the people who dropped dead due to excessive consumption of Diet Coke, go Booooooo…)

2. Lots of shiny NEW things that i will buy and then recycle again! (I bet Mufasa never knew his ‘Great Circle of Life’ applied to such frivolous things as my milk bottles. And pizza boxes.)

I have to say that there is just something so incredibly satisfying about stomping on cans and bottles to get them as flat as you can so you can cram MORE and MORE of them into the limited space bin. HRH hasnt even finished the last precious drops of his Diet Coke and Im making a sprint for the can…”I got it! I got it!” So i can smash it and add it to my growing treasure trove. Im even going through my regular rubbish bin, finding bottles that people HAVENT put in the recycler and screaming, “WHO PUT THIS IN HERE!? DONT YOU KNOW YOURE KILLING GORGEOUS BABY DOLPHINS WITH THIS THING!” Well, we prob arent but still, it sounds better than saying “DONT YOU KNOW YOURE CLOGGING UP LANDFILLS WITH THIS THING?”

But im ashamed to confess that my obsession with recycling doesnt really have much to do with saving Mufasas circle of life land at all. No. I am just obsessed with filling that bin to the top, cramming more and more stuff into it…if i could just squish this can a little tinier…And i take furtive sneak peeks at OTHER peoples recycling bins and laugh to myself wickedly, ‘HAHAHA nobody has as much aluminium and plastic as ME!” ha ha ha. And i feel triumphant. Like i have meaning and worth in this world….YES!

Okay. That makes me sound INCREDIBLY lame. I am a Class D – Derwit. I think i need to get a life…

Speaking of recycling though – theres some things i really wish i could recycle.
Like a 3 yr old’s hugs and kisses. Nobody can hug and kiss like a 3yr old i reckon. And when shes the last 3yr old you know youre ever going to have, her kisses and hugs are all the more precious. I wish i could put some of them away in a giant wheelie bin and stow them away. For the day not so far off when shes too cool to REALY hug me. And give me LOUD lip-smacking kiss kiss noises. For the day when she moves out. Goes to school. Gets a job. Finds a man. And gives him ALL her hugs and kisses. Then, whenever i felt a little lonely. Or like life kinda stank, i would gently open up my wheelie bin of recyclable 3yr old love – and take out a hug and kiss. Or two.

Oh and this is sooooo off the topic, but kinda about recycling still. I was thinking wouldnt it TOTALLY make sense to take the fat that they remove during liposuction, and use it to give someone breast implants at the same time? So theoretically speaking, IF one were so inclined…one could pay for ONE operation and wake up – skinnier AND booostier!

Hows THAT for recycling!?


Its all MINE, mine, mine, mine…

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