Rejected. By a Sandwich.

If you love me, if you have a shred of loyalty to me, if you ever at any time – smiled upon me with favor and friendship. Then you will never eat a sandwich from Subway again. That’s right. I am calling for all my eager avid readers ( all three of you) to stage a worldwide boycott of the Subway Sandwich chain.

Why?

Because they wouldn’t hire me to be a sandwich maker. Indeed, they didn’t even have the decency to send me a kind rejection letter giving me a 101 reasons why they weren’t in the mood to employ sleepless bloggers and potplant killers in their franchise.

For the past two weeks I have been on a job-hunting roll. Not for writing or teaching jobs. No. I don’t want the tried and true, BORING jobs that Im actually qualified for. NO. I want to walk on the wild side and do something different. Part time. So, my newest obsession is trawling through the job search website and then applying for anything and everything that looks promising. (And that is within a ten mile radius of my house.) I have applied to : be a customer service rep at an insurance company, sell clothes at Shanton, pack bags at Foodtown, do assembly line things at a pharmaceutical plant, cut and pack bread at a bakery, deliver mail in my neighborhood, be a call center phone operator, AND make sandwiches at Subway.

I took particular care to tailor my resume to all their needs. I told Subway I’ve had tons of experience in the fine food industry working at Plantation House Café ( bossed around by the toughest boss in the universe. My mother.) I told them I know all about preparing food under pressure and with a smile seeing as how I cook for hordes of starving children everyday. ( And their father.) I keep a clean kitchen that sparkles with hygiene. I have a degree in English Literature and Womens Studies and surely that must count for something in some alternate universe somewhere? I can read and write orders really fast. I can even (if necessary) take orders in English AND Samoan. And maybe Spanish, thanks to Dora the Explorer. (Although I haven’t yet seen an episode where she asks someone if they want pickles with their chicken roll so I probably should have left that language out of the list.) Then to top it all off, I told them I love eating their sandwiches and especially their oatmeal raisin cookies. Which was the true-est part of my whole resume.

Subway acknowledged receipt of my application but that’s it. Zip. Nada. Nuffin. They didn’t want me. Rejection hurt. I battled with feelings of self-doubt and tried to ignore the flashing sign on my forehead that said: YOU’RE A LOSER.

I was whingeing about my plight to my Big Brother when he very kindly suggested that the reason why they didn’t want me was because “they only want skinny people working in their stores. You know, they don’t want people who look like they eat a lot. That might eat all their food.”

I was struck speechless. ( Very unusual.) And after a few braindead minutes I huffily replied, “But I didn’t even go in for an interview. How could they tell I wasn’t skinny from my application? Huh?!”

“Maybe they googled you.”

And I thought of FaceBook and I cringed. (Am I the only person who hates the fact that people can just put pictures of OTHER people up on the internet without even asking them, without even giving them an opportunity to get them photoshopped?)

And then I was REALLY depressed. Because not only can I NOT get a job at Subway…I also have to consider the possibility that it’s because Im too fat.

I crept away to mull it over. And then my Little Brother asked me why I was sulking. And when I told him tersely about my deadend application, he burst out laughing and dispelled any concerns I may have had that Subway doesn’t like me because Im too ‘luscious.’

“Dude, you cant get a job at Subway? You’re such a loser! Haha!”

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Lessons I have learned from this experience:
1. Sometimes brothers can be really mean.
2. A degree in English Literature is really useless.
3. It’s totally possible that Subway could be discriminating against me. (It’s also possible that Elvis is still alive.)

And until number 3 has been proven otherwise, I will stand strong and not eat another Subway sandwich ever again! Calling all Sandwich-Haters to stand tall with me…

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10 comments

  1. I am so there with you about other people being able to put my picture on the web and blab their mouths about me any which way they want. Blab to yourself and keep my picture OFF the web thank you very much!!

  2. Totally understand. Subway would not hire me either back in the day. I make AWESOME sandwiches & was so looking forward to getting a fancy title like "Sandwich Artist". Went & worked at Maccas. Didn't want to work at Hungry Jack's/Burger King cause their staff had to talk through microphones. Once turned down a job at Wendy's Icecream because they made their staff wear shorts. But the one that really hurt was Subway.

  3. hi Lani, just read your story & hope this helps…they didn't hire you becaue your OVER QUALIFIED!! (your OLDER BRO. comment is totally out of range.) Being in HR, one look at yr app. I would ask, how would we keep her busy? I would fear hiring you because you would complain of being bored too quickly, also that you might just take my job lol. There would be no challenges/growth for you with Subway, they would not know what to do with you because you can do it all – and more! Yup, your too qualified & btw, your not FAT, your PHAT!!

  4. Dear Peggy and Isa – Thank you for your commiserating laughter on my behalf. I do hope this means you will not be dining at Subway anytime soon? Also hoping you have signed my online petition : "Boycott Subway Until they Give Phat Women like Lani a Job."Sincerely yours, Still Unemployed BUT Wonderfully Gifted Sandwich Maker Lani

  5. hahahahaha dat would be very hard for me to stand with you Lani on this case hehehe… because whenever I am in NZ, it is my mandatory for me to get asandwich from Subway before I return home here to Tonga hahaha

  6. I hear you Charlreyna – every time i would come to NZ i had a list of food that i had to eat before i was ready to come home…KFC, Burger King, Butter chicken, lamingtons with real cream, dunkin donuts and yes, Subway!

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