A Hate List.

I read this article today about how hatred is bad for you. Negativity is poison. So we should work on eliminating it so we can be more healthy, successful (and beautiful) people. With that in mind, I decided to make a list of all the stuff that drives me nuts, all the people that i hate. Every day, Im going to cross one thing off literally and emotionally and force myself to stop hating it. Here it goes:
Stuff and People I Hate. (In no particular order.)
1. Women who complain really loud that “I just cant gain weight! I dont know why – I eat everything, I never diet, I dont exercise and I wish so much that I could put on some pounds but i never do! Dont you just hate that?” Yes, I hate that. And I hate you too. Now get away from me before one of your ribs pokes me in the eye..
2. When people hug and kiss. Everybody. All the time. Trespassing into my personal space. What happened to a firm handshake? The Vulcan salute? A hi-five? Or just a raised eyebrow and a nod?
3. Peas – their innards remind me of baby vomit. Turnips. Parsnip. Rhubarb.
4. Drivers who get mad at me, honk really loud and swear when Im taking a long time trying to turn at an intersection. Making me really nervous so that I lurch into oncoming traffic. Causing more people to honk their horns at me. Causing me to (nearly) burst into tears. Prompting the Princess to say – Mum I said a prayer this morning that we wouldnt crash and die because I know you’re a bad driver.
5. Women with perfect children. Who wear all co-ordinated clothes. And matching pigtails. Women with children that never get dirty, pick their goobie noses, say bad words ( that they heard their mum say) or refuse to eat vegetables.
6. Sonny Bill’s girlfriend. Whoever and wherever she is. Oh and while we’re at it, I detest Ryan Reynolds latest squeeze too.
7. People who are never late. (They make the rest of us look bad.) I particularly hate people who show up on time when theyre invited to dinner at my house. Making me xtra stressed because I probably havent finished cleaning/making the food/checking that the Beast is actually wearing underpants/threatening Little Son with endless suffering if he dares to misbehave when we have guests. Please. DONT ever come to my house exactly at the time you say you will.
8. The insensitive perky brat gym instructor who saw me just lying on the ground when everyone was supposed to be doing stomach crunches. So she came and tried to make me crunch. ‘Come on now, lets not be lazy today! You can do it! Lets do this together shall we? See? Im doing them and its sooooo easy! Youre not trying hard enough!‘ Yes I am you fool. Get away from me. I’ve had five children and you’ve had none so you have no clue how hard Im trying here.
9. People who have dogs that bark and jump at other people.
10. People who have children that bark scream and jump at other people.
11. People with perfect, always clean houses – Whats wrong with you? Dont you have a life?
12. People who criticize people that love to watch trashy TV shows. And read trashy books. So I like to watch ‘Desperate Housewives’ and i sometimes read Norah Roberts – what’s it to you!?
13. People who think they know everything about feeding babies and raising children. And want to tell you all the time what they know. Because of course you suck at it.
14. People who smile incessantly. Inanely. All the time. People who are bubbly, constantly cheerful. Overflowing with sweetness. And always trying to smother you in their niceness.

Ummm…are there any people in the world left?! I’m really on a roll here. Just composing this list is inciting noxious feelings of overwhelming negativity. I better quit before i drown myself.

What do YOU hate?

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6 comments

  1. I'm with you on No.2 – I get very uncomfortable with all the huggy/kissy business. For some reason it seems that Kiwi Samoans are more inclined to be more kissy/huggy than Samoan Samoans. Give me the Rock's eyebrow raise any day!

  2. HATE people who like to gossip and make assumptions about others LOL..they need to get a life..instead of talking about others..oh btw Lani Young..i LOVE your hate list hahaha

  3. Bina – Im sooooo used to losing that it almost doesnt hurt anymore LOL.Anon – Totally agree. IF more people had fascinating laundry/cooking/cleaning/book procrastinating lives like me…then they surely wouldnt have the energy to gossip about mine. Ugh.

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