Why Women should watch Porn. And other useful relationship advice.

Plastic Fantastic Forever Love

Once upon a time, in a coconut tree island far away, a handsome prince fell in love with a super hot, super intelligent girl. Before they got married the Prince’s mother gave the super hot, super intelligent girl TWO pieces of marriage advice.

1. If you want to make your husband happy, then you should rent some porn. If you watch those, you can get ideas of ways to be good at making him happy.

2. The best time to ask your husband for something – is right after you have sex. When he’s happy and relaxed then you can ask him for whatever you want and he will for sure say yes.

And if you listen to these things, you will live happily ever after.

The End.

What kind of ‘interesting’ advice did YOU get before getting hitched/before shacking up with your beloved? What advice have you been offered to ‘help’ you with your relationship? Bet you cant top mine!

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18 comments

  1. haha – hilarious stuff!the best advice i heard at my sisters hens recently is "don't take advice from anyone about your marriage coz every situation and relationship is different" auuu…and another one that would piss off the die hard feminists "you can look and gaze at a sexy man, even cheer him on but then go home and cook your man some dinner (A. Williams) chooohooo!

  2. Sorry Lani. I have zero advice to give, but I cringe at your post! Cannot think of anything more awkward. Except maybe your showdown with JB's girlfriend 🙂

  3. One day porn, not unlike medical 'maluaga' will be legit therapy for most ailments..choo hoo. The best one I heard was from Princess Di's mom on her wedding night to Charlie. "just lie back and think of the Queen" (being the Queen one day that is)

  4. Actually Goddess – cooking is another guaranteed way to ensure domestic happiness. The Hot Man SAYS that he 'doesnt care' what he eats, or what I cook, BUT when there's nothing to eat? There is a decided unhappy edge to the atmosphere.Anon – i am inclined to agree with you…"prescription porn" The next 'in' thing. lolLan – I was alot younger when my M.I.L gave me these nuggets of wisdom so I was silently dying inside. But now that Im 17yrs married and wiser? I would be able to Hi-Five her and laugh with her about her advice.

  5. The first thing that came to mind after reading your post was, "Was the M.I.L Samoan?" LOL Well, the husband and I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary later this year and the only piece of advice that I can remember getting (I got a lot of advice btw but ignored anything I didn't find useful)was to remember to never go to bed angry with one another – argue if you must and scream the house down if you have to but get it sorted before bedtime. That's always worked for us!

  6. Studymum – Yes, Samoan. Congratulations on making it to ten years. Excellent advice about sorting out your issues/problems on a daily basis and not leaving them to simmer and fester for days on end. Anon – you and I must have the same mother. She told me "Dont get married." I did anyway. She said, "Dont get pregnant." I did anyway. Brazilian Anon – I admire and envy you. I WANT to get a brazilian, but i cant even bear the thought of getting my legs waxed. ( i am very big wimp when it comes to pain) Tell me – how bad is it? Does it get easier the more times you do it? Mena – thanks. I mentioned this post on Twitter and a man follower said that my M.I.L must really love her son if she gives me advice like this. I hadnt thought of it that way. But he's totally right. Sex (and food) usually are great ways to strengthen a relationship…

  7. Hmmm… 20 years ago maybe porn would be the answer. But with the Internet, its become another normal thing. The second piece of advice still applies though… I can see that working for time indefinite haha.Only piece of advice Ive been given is wait until I get a job!

  8. the advices i got were boring..like marriage is hard work..you gotta work at it blah blha blah..but my Papa did say something funny that stuck..he said "you shouldn't be married unless ua lua pe'u with every available man out there" bhahahaha..ailoga

  9. I'm not sure what messages they are Lani but they damn sure work! Suddenly I'm getting an idea to create a Vietnamese cartoon of some kind where the kids spout some Viet once in a while 🙂

  10. It still hurts for me and i've gotten a brazillian a few times going on my 5th visit this Friday. I was told at my very first visit that it would hurt less the next time, and the next time, and the next time after that. I think they suck you into getting it done that next, next and next time just out of curiosity if it really does hurt less…but they LIED. Still hurts the same. But the end result – brilliant. Don't worry I still cringe and hold back tears when i get my eyebrows waxed so I'm a complete mess when I get a brazillian.

  11. The best advice I got was "your Samoan fa'ali'i needs to calm down a bit"…and since the hubby is not Samoan, i also gave my family advice since I got married "dont call me for EVERY fa'alavelave….lol

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