What happens when a mother has a Meltdown?

Sometimes a mother has to have a nuclear meltdown. A complete manic freak attack. Just once in awhile. To remind her family that she has feelings. To remind her children that she’s not an automated fridgin Energizer Bunny that can go and go and go. And never get tired. Never get run down. Never stop.Yes, sometimes a mother has to have a meltdown.

I had one this morning. And it wasn’t pretty. Pleasant. Or nice.

I’m sick. I’ve been sick for the three days now with a flu virus that feels like elephants are stampeding up and down my body. Like there’s shards of glass stuck in my throat and rabid dogs are battling, trying to get out of my brain. The Hot Man goes to work at 5:30am. There are two teenagers living in this house. And three children who require assistance to get ready for school. So shoot me for dreaming, but I kind of thought that maybe, just this once, the two teenagers would get their butts in gear this morning and rally the troops. Maybe even bring me some juice in bed. Tell me, “Don’t you worry mum, just rest. We’ll take care of these kids and get them organized for school.”

Ha. I dont know where I got such a stupid idea from. Maybe my fever was making me delirious. From my death bed I could hear a 3yr old plaintively asking somebody, anybody to get her some breakfast. Nobody paid any attention. I got up and staggered down the hallway, asked Teen One: I’m really sick, can you please feed that child and get everyone ready for school?

Back in my death bed I heard Teen One, yell at Teen Two to feed the 3yrold. Then he hit the showers. Took up residence in front of the mirror. Got very busy with the hair gel and the pimple cream. Teen Two got up. Ignored the 3yr old who was now doing very messy things in the bathroom with the toilet brush and an entire roll of toilet paper. Teen Two got herself some cereal, sat down and started reading a book, oblivious to my hacking cough. Or the horrible state of the kitchen.

I staggered out again. And this time I was ready to self-combust. I could not believe that I really had raised such totally useless and selfish children. I deserved to be shot for adding such miserable human beings to an already miserable world. I screamed. Raged. Strange words came spewing from these lips, “What do I have to do to get some help around here? Do I have to cut my arm off before you actually care about me?! Oh I know, I need to cut YOUR arm off to make you pay attention to me…What’s wrong with you people!” Lots of F word *Flowers*Flowers* were mixed up in there too.

After my ranting and raving, I staggered back to my death bed and burst into tears.

The results were magical. Teenagers sprang in to action, cleaning, packing lunchboxes, doing dishes. Small children brought me cold drinks and patted my hair, making soothing noises. Instantly, everyone in this house was concerned about me and my mental and physical state. Such concern continued throughout the day. People did laundry, brought me Diet Coke with ice (very important for curing the flu…)went out and did the grocery shopping. Nobody complained, whined or whinged. Everybody was nice to their deathly ill mother.

So, yeah, going mental and mean may not be very saintly. Or praiseworthy. But it certainly gets things done around here. So yes, I firmly advocate that once in a while, every mother should have a nuclear meltdown, a complete manic freak attack.

(Just don’t have them too often. Or else the impact will be lost. And you will also end up going to hell when you die a miserable flu-induced death, because you’ve been too awful to your children, too many times.)

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11 comments

  1. I love this! I can certainly relate. Our house seems to be the one all the neighborhood kiddies end up too. I only birthed 2, but somehow wind up with 6 after school. I'm good to them 90% of the time so the other 10% I can demand chores done as repayment. Lol!

  2. Hahahaha…love this! To be fair, I haven't had the big meltdown at the kids because they're only 1, but the day is coming. My mother would appreciate this post. There are ten of us, and I'm pretty certain the only reason anything got done was because of the nuclear meltdown. Just the other day, she called me and started in.."You'd think those teenagers would be able to pull themselves together enough to make their own lunches…etc.."

  3. It's called "putting the fear of God in your children" hehe. Hope you are feeling better, the kids have snapped out of being typical self-involved teenagers (never mind the other 3 they are still kids), and you've fuelled up enough on diet coke. And thanks for reaffirming that I will be going to hell haha.Have a good weekend x

  4. Hi Cher – thats prob the key isnt it? Be nice to them 90% of the time so you can afford to NOT be the other 10%?! great to have you join us here at Sleepless! Everyone, Cher's another Samoan mom blogger logging in from the US of A, check out her insightful writing over at the Sugar Shack blog. Wow, Paige there are TEN of you? I thought only Polynesians had huge families?! You would fit right in over here, LOL I grew up one of 6 and i thought that was a tad bit stressful for my mum. ( not to mention a bit of a riot for us kids) Are you planning of having a large family too?Thanks NHSM. The screaming certainly didnt help my sore throat. Im going to keep my mouth shut today…Exactly Pusinofo – the F-bomb meltdown must be used sparingly. CG, can i hang out with you in hell please? I'll bring cookies. You bring that banana cake with the cream cheese icing. Food makes everything bearable. Even hell. (I think)

  5. Hope you feel better soon!! I can totally relate. I have two teenagers who are fine with me doing everything. I think they are just oblivious mostly and so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they don't notice I'm dying, or need help. I've had a few strategic meltdowns myself. And I agree, they are quite effective and have the added benefit of making the kids feel guilty.

  6. I have had the flu recently and have been fully feeling very sorry for myself!!! I totally intend to have the child/ children trained ASAP! Screaming will certainly be employed to achieve this!!! Hope you're feeling better.

  7. Kalofa e, it's too bad it took an explosion of nuclear proportions for you to get some TLC, but hopefully it's been flowing well since.Hope that flu goes away soon, and you're back to your fit and fighting self soon :)xx

  8. Damn. The flu has been going around hasn't it? I have been off sick as well so not blogging much at all. Your kids sound like my husband. It's like they live in a little bubble of obliviousness and they need you to have a comlete meltdown to burst the bubble and only then do they realise that they need to pitch in. Hope you feel better soon!

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