This is WAAY more scarier than Freddy Kruger.
I’ve only been in Samoa 14 hours and already I’ve had further confirmation that I am pathetic.
Im staying in my little sister’s apartment which is beautiful. I’m very grateful to have it because otherwise my mother would make me sleep in a Harry Potter closet at her house. (Since she only has space for fine art pieces and Vogue decor, not children who return home as penniless writers.)
So last night, there I was in my sister’s lovely apartment. No children to bug me. No internet to pester me. No drunken West Auckland neighbors to scream F*** YOU! out on the street. I should have been slumbering like Sleeping Beauty.
Except I wasn’t. Because I was scared. Of being in an apartment all by myself. ( so what if my big brother is in an apartment next door? If Freddy Kruger breaks in, the first thing he will chop off is my tongue so I wont be able to scream for help.)
And I was scared of centipedes climbing up onto the bed when i was asleep. If you’ve never seen a Samoan centipede than you dont really know what BUG FEAR is.I locked all the doors. I turned on the lights. I put a can of Mortein insect spray next to me so I could burn an intruder’s eyes out with it. I thought about calling in the dogs to sleep in the front room, but Im a little scared of them too so I didnt.
I still couldn’t sleep. The bedroom door didn’t have a lock on it. I kept imagining a killer cutting the screens, creeping inside my room and hacking me to pieces. I could hear all sorts of strange noises outside. Dammnit, does Samoa have to be so damn noisy?
Finally, i got up, pushed the Queen size bed and blocked the bedroom door with it. (Severely straining my back in the process…) Ha. I’d like to see Freddy Kruger get through THAT! And then I carefully sprayed enough chemicals around my bed to start my own toxic dump site. Ha! I’d like to see psycho centipedes try to get through THAT!
Then I went to sleep. At 2am. In a room suffocating in bug spray.
No wonder I woke up with a headache.
Yes, definitely pathetic.