Centipedes and Freddy Kruger are all out to get me

This is WAAY more scarier than Freddy Kruger.

I’ve only been in Samoa 14 hours and already I’ve had further confirmation that I am pathetic.

Im staying in my little sister’s apartment which is beautiful. I’m very grateful to have it because otherwise my mother would make me sleep in a Harry Potter closet at her house. (Since she only has space for fine art pieces and Vogue decor, not children who return home as penniless writers.)

So last night, there I was in my sister’s lovely apartment. No children to bug me. No internet to pester me. No drunken West Auckland neighbors to scream F*** YOU! out on the street. I should have been slumbering like Sleeping Beauty.

Except I wasn’t. Because I was scared. Of being in an apartment all by myself. ( so what if my big brother is in an apartment next door? If Freddy Kruger breaks in, the first thing he will chop off is my tongue so I wont be able to scream for help.)
And I was scared of centipedes climbing up onto the bed when i was asleep. If you’ve never seen a Samoan centipede than you dont really know what BUG FEAR is.I locked all the doors. I turned on the lights. I put a can of Mortein insect spray next to me so I could burn an intruder’s eyes out with it. I thought about calling in the dogs to sleep in the front room, but Im a little scared of them too so I didnt.

I still couldn’t sleep. The bedroom door didn’t have a lock on it. I kept imagining a killer cutting the screens, creeping inside my room and hacking me to pieces. I could hear all sorts of strange noises outside. Dammnit, does Samoa have to be so damn noisy?

Finally, i got up, pushed the Queen size bed and blocked the bedroom door with it. (Severely straining my back in the process…) Ha. I’d like to see Freddy Kruger get through THAT! And then I carefully sprayed enough chemicals around my bed to start my own toxic dump site. Ha! I’d like to see psycho centipedes try to get through THAT!

Then I went to sleep. At 2am. In a room suffocating in bug spray.

No wonder I woke up with a headache.

Yes, definitely pathetic.

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6 comments

  1. LOL Lani! That is pathetic! Notice I said "that" and not "you"? lol Look at it this way, at least you don't have to sleep in a ta'inamu. Some people have fears of sleeping in them, but we'll not mention any names. LOL. Well.. get some rest and don't let the bed bugs, oi I mean centipedes bite! LOL. Kidding. You really need to lay off those scary zombie movies. 🙂 G'nite Lani..

  2. ha ha ha ha, oh dear, you are indeed a … softy, we'll say softy – ok? This brings back memories of the day you moved into my flat and I THOUGHTFULLY stayed somewhere else for the night so you could make yourself at home without having to make small talk with a virtual stranger … and didn't find out until years later that you spent the night terrified LOL. I guess that's the downside of having a very active writer's imagination!

  3. Oh Lani, you really ARE Sleepless in Samoa aren't you?? Sometimes our overactive imaginations work against us writers. I'm not sure if Freddy Kruger frequents exotic destinations, I imagine it would be very difficult for him to get those claws on as hand luggage!! As for the centipedes, I can't help you there. Was bitten by one when I was younger and it hurt like heck. Have given them a wide berth ever since…

  4. Oh you poor thing! Who knew Samoa was so noisy, and that they have apartments? Silly question, but I never thought about it I guess. I guess in my head it looks like a beautiful postcard. I do know the feeling of finally having the house to myself then not being able to sleep because I feel guilty. WTH? Hope you got some rest!

  5. *cringe* I hate akaloas! I too do not like to be alone. The silence is deadly for me. Thats why I require our household to have dogs. They serve as the pesto bodyguards. When in reality, I bet Freddy Krueger could just waive a steak in their face and they'll best friends. Be safe and skype with your little ones until you get sleepy enough to just CRASH in bed.

  6. don't worry lani. i'm pathetic too. i could so see myself doing the same thing. so at least be rest assured to know that your not the only person who acts that way. i've never seen a samoan centipede before – & i'm certain i never ever want to!. anything that crawls or slithers on the ground is way toooooo much for me to handle. i live in australia – the motherland of poisonous snakes and spiders. i can soooooo relate. my 2 brothers have embraced the outback / australian way of life, growing up they would go bush walking & dirtbike riding in the bushland near our childhood home. me on the other hand – no no no i stayed indoors. one day my brothers brought back two brown snakes that our dog had attacked and killed. they slapped them on the cement(pavement) outside our house and told me to come outside. i was hysterical. absolutely terrified.

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