Let’s Throw Stones at the Bad Lazy Mother

Once a year our church has the children give the program. The children practise for weeks, reciting scriptures, singing songs and going thru little skits. (Except for my children.)  It’s the one Sunday you are guaranteed not to be able to find a parking spot when you come to late to church. (Like we did.) It’s the one Sunday when all the children are dressed in their sparkling white clothes and all the boys sport bowties. (Except for my children.)

Yes, the Children’s Sunday presentation is a beautiful event. Parents cry when their little ones say their parts. Mothers get that warm sense of satisfaction as their child raises their voice in song. Fathers beam proudly. Everyone is uplifted and inspired.

That is what Children’s Sunday is supposed to be like. And it used to be like that for us, way back when we had ONE, TWO children. But now? Now I have five children. And I’m old. And lazy tired. Busy. And I take a far more relaxed, non-stressed, un-freaked-out approach to it all. So I never got around to checking whether or not my three young children had learnt their parts. I left that to their church teachers. And when the trio told me, ‘We have to wear new white dresses,white shirts,a red bowtie for the program” I said, Don’t be ridiculous. We don’t have money to waste on that stuff. Besides, Zach will just ruin a white shirt by playing in the dirt and it will be ripped within a few hours. You already have nice church clothes. Wear those. And when they tried to protest, I used it as a teaching moment. Does God care what color clothes you wear? No, I don’t think so. As long as they are clean and modest. What is important to God? It ain’t bowties, let me tell ya!

We got to the church a teensie bit late. The carpark was full, we had to park on the garden. Inside, all the other children were already up on the stand and getting ready to start the program. They were a shining calvacade of angels. All dressed in white. And the boys had perfect red bowties. My husband looked at me in accusing horror. “They’re all wearing white! What about your kids?” I said, Does God care what color clothes they wear?! blah blah. He didn’t look convinced. I sent the children up to the stand. Zach looked very handsome. And very obvious in his blue plaid shirt. Zion was shinier than everyone else in her pink glitter top. The program started. Bella loudly shouted her line into the mike. (I didnt even know she had one. Who makes 3 year olds recite scriptures in church?!) But she yelled it no problem and I wanted to lead a stadium wave on her behalf. Zion sang a duet number with another little boy. She sounded amazing. ( So glad she doesnt take after me in the voice dept.) Zach was up next. Rocked his verses with confident ease. (Must have been the shirt…) And then Zion had to recite her part. She stood up, started eagerly…and then halfway thru she stopped. Abruptly. Stamped her foot. And exclaimed VERY LOUDLY into the mike,  “Oh darn it, I forgot my words!”

Heads turned to seek out the parents of this cursing child. I laughed. And sent Zion the biggest smile and most encouraging thumbs-up that was legally allowed in a place of worship. My husband gave me a look of accusing horror. (Dude, enough with the horror already. She’s your kid too.)  My teenagers cringed and gave me looks of accusing horror. “Mum, why didn’t you make sure she knew her part!?”  I said, “Why didn’t you? She’s your little sister.”  A teacher rushed to give Zion a piece of paper to read from. She finished her part and sat down. I was so proud of her. She wore a pink glitter top, she spoke, she stumbled, she swore, and then she got back up and carried on to the end.

So, was this event another example of what a bad lazy mother I am? Yes. Did my children still rock in spite of their loser mother? Most definitely. Will I try to be good next year and make sure my children are better prepared? Probably. But I’m still convinced that God doesn’t care what color clothes we wear. So there.

And I’m super grateful that Zion didn’t say, “Oh shit.” Like her mum does.
Thank you for helping my blog host a record 18,000 visits last month. My YA urban fantasy romance Telesa:The Covenant Keeper is now avail. from Amazon/Smashwords. Check out the reviews and see if this is a fire you would like to read more of!  

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14 comments

  1. Totally agree with you & still think that youre an awesome mum regardless:)i dont have any kids nor will i have any soon as my nieces & nephews are enough lol but i love to read about children and this has got to be the funniest & heart warming true event ever! lol great stuff:)..oh and Zion rocks! lol

  2. Lani you did well, your kids did FABULOUS! Cheer up…at least your kid didn't yell out while a father carried his kid out of sacrament mtg to calm his child down and the child screamed "Please don't beat me!" Now that's a winner lol…

  3. I've said it before, but your kids are awesome Lani. It takes some great mothering to instill that kind of confidence and self awareness in kids so young. I know a lot of other kids would have cried/threw a tantrum right then and there. You're not a lazy mother. You're just busy with the really important things 🙂

  4. Loved that your Zion didn't slip up on that one. I bet you would have felt such relief hearing her say those words. Hehehe. Once again the fab5 rocked it and did so well.

  5. Thanks Lan – I was surprised she didnt freak out up there at her slip-up, usually shes my one child I can count on to dissolve into tears at the slightest thing – so yes, was very proud of her for keeping it together!Hi Joan – yes it was NOT a time that you want to hear your own bad words coming out of your child's mouth, (relieved)

  6. As soon as I read what she said at the pulpit I got flashbacks of you in the backyard feeding the dog and you said flower flower after having fhe of your son teaching you not to say rubbish bin words lol … It doesnt matter what color they wear I mean they stood out from the rest of the bunch Im sure thats what all us mothers want isnt it … Another great read Lani. Your life just never gets boring …

  7. oh and by the way congrats on the 18000 hits last month … thats fantastic and you bloody well deserve it girl … keep up the good work and all the best … heres to 20000 hits this month ( raise your class of diet coke) oh which reminds me I wanted to tell you that for the first time in bloody years I found myself saying no Ill have Diet Coke instead and I was amazed but I know this is all due to you and your addiction I mean love for Diet Coke. I have heard so much Diet Coke mention reading your blogs that now your affecting my choice of drinks.. is that insane or what lol … anyhoo congrats again and cheers (As I crack open another can of diet coke) …

  8. That is AWESOME. "Please don't beat me" That's good too. 🙂 We had one youngen pretend to hang himself with his tie over the banister during the presentation. Yup, he was right at the front and yup, everybody saw him. ;p

  9. LMAO! Good on ya Lani! "Does God care what color your dress is?" hahaha I am so going to use that one. I'm lucky our church doesn't make the kids do that. I would skip church that day. lol

  10. Love this….just finished our Sacrament presentation and luckily all went well…but too bad my 10 yr old son was snatched by his Nana saying the 'sh_t' word when he was somehow fustrated..Nana says "po'o fea e iloa ai le kama lea upu?"..son says: "oh mum says it all the time Nana"…mmm son koe kiki fo'i!

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