I hate being married and having children.

When it’s time to get ready to go out. Anywhere where looking nice is required. Dinner. Church. Mall. Movies. Book function.

I don’t know about you, but I used to like getting dressed up to go somewhere nice. It took time, thought, planning and some angst, but it was fun. For example, a very long time ago, the Hot Man was still a stranger. Hot but a stranger. He asked me out on a dinner date. It took me two hours to get ready. Not only did I need to shower, pluck, tweeze, wax, style, apply makeup and test run three different shades of lipstick – I also had to prepare two different dinner outfits. Why? Because I didn’t know what kind of place he would be taking me for dinner. My little sisters teased “You better not dress up too flash, he’s probably taking you to the market for panikeke and a kekepua’a.” While I didnt really think he would be taking me to the Fugalei Market for dinner, I also didn’t want to be overdressed. What if it were a casual dinner date? So I came up with a plan. I would have two outfits ready with complementary accessories. When the Hot Man arrived, my sister would see how HE was dressed. If he looked formal and flash – then I would put on the little black dress, if not, the skimpy denim skirt and top…He showed up in a silk shirt and dress pants, bearing a single rose, and with reservations at the fanciest restaurant in town. QUICK, put on the dress, quick! Ahhh, the dramas of single life and dating. So frenzied, so frantic, so fun….

Now? I hate getting dressed up to go out. I can’t find my brush because Bella took it to style Dora doll’s hair. Sade nicked my tweezers and forgot where she put them. My favorite lipstick is a suspicious splodgy mess because somebody ‘borrowed’ it the last time they were playing dress-up…Big Son is hogging the bathroom and I don’t have time to luxuriate in a hot shower. Little Son keeps  coming into my room while I’m trying to re-arrange my hair 3 different ways to ask ‘have you seen Bella’s scooter?’ (Why in heck would I have a child’s scooter in my bedroom I ask?) And the Hot Man  is blinded by the eyes of love (and by the eyes of impatience because he’s sick to bits of waiting for me to get ready.) So he sits there and makes the most irritating comments of all – ‘Why are you changing your dress again? What was wrong with the other one? You’re going to straighten your hair now? You do realize that we have ten minutes to make it to church on time, don’t you? Do you have to put on makeup? You look fine without it. Now what are you doing?!’  Hello, does he want me to be an ugly, sloppy bag of a wife?!

And then I just want to scream at all of them. Go away and leave me alone!
And what makes it worse? When finally, I’m dressed, we all exit the building to get in the car and then I notice what my children look like. The two teenagers look svelte and refined. And clearly their svelteness prevented them from supervising the wardobe choices of the younger three. Bella has two different socks and shoes on. ‘We couldn’t find her matching ones and besides, she likes this style much better.’. Nobody has brushed her hair and I’m sure that’s a glob of bubblegum stuck in it. Little Son has squeezed himself into his favorite jeans – the ones that he can’t zip up all the way and I don’t want to look too closely because as usual, he has ‘forgotten’ to put any underwear on. Surprise. The Princess is looking stunning – in a bewildering array of colors…sequin belt, huge red flower on her head, pink ruffled skirt, orange top, a necklace made of xmas decorations. She is a Cyndi Lauper vision from the eighties

I look at this motley crew of fabulousness in all their glory.

And then I just want to stay home.

    Girls. We just want to have fun. And get dressed without a pack of pestering children interrupting us.

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13 comments

  1. It's entertaining! After reading your blog, I so agree with Ms. Laura above. But if my mother had to write a blog, she would definitely write the same as yours. Lol! I enjoyed it and thanks for sharing.

  2. Yes Laura – enjoy your single, youthful, childfree years while you can! lol I never appreciated the air I breathed, the time I had to just be me back when I was single..sigh.Reeh – glad you enjoyed it. Yes, Im sure a lot of other mothers would have similar experiences as mine in this blogpost.

  3. Haha. oh the joys of being a mother! sounds just like my mum when she's looking for her hairbrush or tweezer. Hahaha! && I will definitely take you up on tht – i will enjoy single life for as long as i can. Hehe

  4. Amene! LOL If only. All I ask is enough time to get ready so that I'm not rushing out of the house only to realize I still have on my house shoes when I step into the car. No wonder I'm such a home body.

  5. I JUST had my first "I can't find my hairbrush because the baby wandered off with it" incident. Can I tell you what getting ready for Christmas Eve mass was like this year???? Hmmm…since I spent all my time getting everyone else ready, I suppose I'll tie my still-wet hair back and smooth my eyebrows down.(Two hours prior) Me to Husband: Do you have something clean to wear?Husband: I don't knowMe: Ok, he doesn't sound worried. I shall away to finish getting ready with the kids.(Two hours later..fifteen minutes before we have to leave)Husband: Would you iron my shirt?Me: What? Now?Husband: Did you have something important to do?*grumbles over ironing board* "Ohhh no, little old me just wanted to use the last fifteen minutes to put on makeup so I don't scare all the elderly church goers into meeting Jesus a little early"Oh, Lani Lani Lani..what are we to do? And where is my hairbrush?

  6. Alica – you've been there! Like you, Im resigned to not going many 'nice' places at all anymore. Until maybe this rabble all grow up and then of course THEY will be embarassed to be seen with me!LOL Cristina – yes, I keep telling myself that I LOVE THIS CRAZY LIFE, I LOVE IT.

  7. and I thought only having one pestering child around was a problem. lol. now i see it could very well be much harder. i take my hat off to you lani. i only know how distracting it can be having one little mischief maker around, but you've got yourself a whole tribe to deal with. hope it becomes less troublesome as they grow older and you slowly get back your 'me time'. i know how much hard working mothers need it. 🙂

  8. Reenie – from one home body to another, AMENE, lolPaige – i bet your hairbrush is in the same place as my missing high heel shoe..and my eyelash curler ( omigosh, did i even used to use one of those things? I actually had time and the inclination to CURL eyelashes?! )and my ONE sheer stocking. Wherefore art thou?

  9. My kids like to take advantage of the time it takes me to shower and get ready to just lie around and do nothing, not get dressed in the clothes they are supposed to wear and then when I come down and yell because there are still dishes in the sink, I forget to look at what they have on until we're in the car and it's too late! I took them to their Samoan Language School field trip to the Governor's Mansion recently and knowing that the boys had to wear i'e faitaga and the girls puletasi, I borrowed the appropriate clothing, even made them iron their own clothes. When we got to the mansion, son #2 was NOT WEARING it! It didn't fit so instead of telling me so I could use some safety pins, he just got in the car in shorts and a t-shirt and I didn't even notice! #EpicFail ! When we got there, not only were all the kids dressed in their finest Samoan apparel but so were the parents and teachers! I didn't know WE were supposed to wear ours as well so guess who ruined ALL the field trip pictures? #DoubleEpicFail !

  10. Hi Joan – i think with one or with five, its still a mission impossible to get ready for anything, lol. KiwiDiva – your experience had me laughing and laughing and commiserating with you! I could totally envision it…the epic fail, lol. All i can say is that you are not alone in this messy mothers boat. We're trying and sometimes we wil make it all groomed and fancy looking – and all our children wil look like they ready to meet the Queen of England…and then other days, everyone will look like they going to the rubbish dump. At least life is never boring! lol

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