Emergencies that Require an Archangel

We spent most of last weekend in the hospital. My teenagers were invited to a BBQ at their aunt’s house so they could hang out with other teenagers ( and escape from their slave driver mother.) Big Daughter decided to climb up a tree. Barefoot. In the dark. Even though Big Son told her it was a bad idea. So at 11pm I get a phone call that Big Daughter has cut her foot really bad and needs stitches.

We take her to the afterhours emergency clinic. We sit and wait for two hours. I read a book on my Kindle.The doctor looks at her bloody foot and agrees it needs stitching. He sticks a needle in it four times so that she wont feel the stitches. She cries. I cry. The doctor is very brusque. He pokes around in the mass of bloody flesh and I feel like vomiting. He says, “I cant stitch it because its too deep. She needs to go to the hospital and see a surgeon.”
We drive to the local hospital. We wait. Its 3am. The nurse tells us to go home and come back in the morning to see the surgeon. We go home. Daughter sleeps. I fret. Worry. Pray. Bargain with God. Read a steamy Nalini Singh novel on my Kindle. The celestial sensualness of an archangel called Raphael cannot distract me from images of Big Daughter crying while people poke and prod her bloody foot. We go back to the hospital. The doctor says, “It’s been too long since the injury. She needs antibiotics fast.” They try to stick an IV line into her arm. She cries. I cry. The nurse looks a little irritated. The doctor is very brusque. Big Daughter  has an x-ray. The doctor injects her foot four times again to numb it. Big Daughter cries. I cry. The doctor pokes around inside her foot. “We cant do anything for her. She needs to go to a bigger hospital. She needs an orthopaedic surgeon to operate on it.” She cries. I don’t cry. I now want to hurt someone. Preferably a doctor. I want to stab them with needles. Scrape their skin off with scalpels. Or just run them over with my imaginary Hummer. The doctor checks Big Daughter’s file. Exclaims, “Oh! You’re only thirteen years old. We thought you were much older. You’re still a child. You should be at the Starship Children’s Hospital.”
We go to Starship. Nobody sticks needles in her bloody foot. Nobody cries. A smiley-faced anaesthetist wearing a Winnie the Pooh bandanna puts Big Daughter to sleep. Surgeons cut up her foot, clean it out, check tendons and joints, then sew it all back up again. Me and the Hot Man wait anxiously for three hours.The surgeon says, “The injury just missed an artery and the major tendons. She’s very lucky.” Daughter wakes up smiling. “I feel great! I’ve had such a lovely sleep!”  Me and the Hot Man have had zip rest. I spend the night on a mattress on the floor next to her bed. She reads her kindle and I read mine. I zip through two more Nalini Singh books. I check Daughter often to make sure she’s still breathing. You never know.
Big Daughter is now at home. Using crutches. She will get her stitches out next week. She complains a lot and cant do any chores around the house. She is getting on my nerves.
Conclusions?
 1. I never ever want my daughter to get pregnant. I cannot begin to imagine the suffering I will endure when I watch her struggle through eighteen hours of labor,listening to her screams of agony. (Because of course everything is always about ME.)
2. Tree climbing is lethal. Don’t do it.
3. I had no idea how many different, lustrously creative ways there are to describe “getting it on”. Until I read three Nalini Singh books in a row. I am now well and truly overdosed on  “glorious rippling muscular planes.”  There are so many hot dudes in a Singh book that I doubt I will ever recover.
4. Get a Kindle. Get your kid a Kindle. Best way to endure boredom, sickness and sleepless nights in a hospital is to spend them with a Nalini Singh archangel.
4. The next time I take Big Daughter to a doctor, I will stick a sign on her forehead. ‘EVEN THO I LOOK LIKE A FULL GROWN WOMAN, I’M ACTUALLY ONLY A KID. PLEASE USE THE HANNA MONTANA BANDAIDS AND SUPER SWEET BEDSIDE MANNER.
5. We are very blessed to have such healthy children. In Big Daughter’s ward were children who have lived in the hospital for months on end. Endured countless surgeries over the years. And sleeping beside their beds every night – are the parents. The family members who must walk beside their child, trying not to cry every time a doctor has to hurt them so they can help them.
I will try to remember all these things. And not get too annoyed with Big Daughter as she recuperates.
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18 comments

  1. Loved it. And yeah, sometimes you need to read about a sexy guy who is a bit thick around the middle, has grey pubic hair, and isn't ripped.Sorry about Big Daughter's experience. I would have gone all 'Mamma Bear' on those MDs, too! Grrrrrr….

  2. Totally get you … there's nothing like a trip to Starship to (a) completely freak you out on a stress trip and (b) realise you are in fact very very very lucky. Hope she gets better fast.

  3. ouch! my toes are curling at the thought of all those needle pricks. what an ordeal! your poor girl, and poor you too! i agree about the kindle. i'm addicted to my new baby.

  4. My stomach was turning every time you mentioned needles & poking through your big daughter's foot. What an ordeal! I would've probably lost it after the doctor had finally realized she was only 13. Thank God the injury missed that major artery. God speed on her recovery =)On another note I need to invest in a Kindle for myself & my kids who love to read.

  5. Oh, you poor things! Hope you and Hot Man are able to catch up on your sleep today.There is nothing as bad as watching your kids go through things like that 😦 And you made me cry! My heart goes out to those kids and their parents in Starship. We are so lucky aren't we?!(Loving my kindle too!)

  6. So glad to hear your daughter is doing better. As a writer whose heroine is constantly jumping through trees, I can so sympathise with your poor daughter. Sometimes, the inconsistencies in the health system really scare me. At least there seems to be a good lesson learned in your ordeal.

  7. First and foremost, my wishes for a speedy recovery, both for daughter and mom's sake. This blog brings out not only the 'mama bear' but the lawyer in me…terms like 'infliction of emotional distress' and 'negligence' come to mind. And of course, it would bring out the ghetto in me, as well. The 'I know what car you drive, doctor'. Those aside, I'm glad you made it through and I'm considering a Kindle now…thanks!

  8. OMG!!! I hate trees! And my son is now banned from the three monstrous demons in our yard. Thank you for the heads up. So sorry you and your family (especially your daughter) had to go through all of that. I can't even imagine. I would have freaked out! I have the Kindle. Now must add Nalini Singh books on :)Thanks Lani!

  9. Good vibes to you and big daughter…..I feel her pain on looking older than you really are….I'm 25 for life…lol. Love kindles, iPads, tablets etc………only way to keep any kid now a days entertained……

  10. Thank you Sieni – Big Daughter is kinda milking the injury for all its worth Im afraid…I carried a stool to the sink today and insisted she sit there and wash the dishes. She was unimpressed.Your Kindle must be sending secret messages to my kindle because we seem to be getting a lot of the same books offf amazon and then reviewing them on good reads. STOP telling me about awesome new books to read! lol Ive been reading waaaaay too much.

  11. Thank you Treasure. We're very blessed/lucky. whew. I highly recommend a kindle. Only prob with it is how easy it is to BUY books. I keep clicking on these books because "theyre ONLY 2.99…ONLY 99 cents…ONLY 3.99" and then we get the total credit cards bill and my husband is freaking out. And Im like, "umm, did i really spend that much on books?!"

  12. lol @ dishes!! i can't help it with the kindle! i have read so many good books lately (thanks to goodreads) i want to share them with the world, but am now trying to slow down a bit to get over the last series i read (unearthly).

  13. Awww! Good luck with that!!! I remember when I was 9 at my grandma's for the summer out in the country, I decided it was a good idea to race on my bikes with the boys in the neighborhood. Anywho, I had an accident, and lacerated my liver. Couldnt walk standing up. Couldnt even bike home. I just waddled, slowly dragging my bike. And my older cousin who was out with me? She left me to continue having fun. I got to grandma's and didnt tell her what happened. After all, I didnt want her to stop letting me go out to play. Grandma say's its time to read for the afternoon (yea grandma had specified reading times) I went in the room, started reading an fell asleep (probably a bad idea I think I may have had a concussion) I wake up and my stomach still hurt, and worse. Plus there's a large red/blue bruise on my stomach, you cant even lay a finger on it without me crying out. I tell grandma. She looks at it, rushes me to the hospital. They give me a CAT scan. Fly me in a helicopter to children's hospital. Mom's there with dad and my then newborn sister. Crying her eyes out. neck braces, gurney's, Bed pans, assisted showers, potential surgery, another CAT scan…finally I they give me a room…people visit with teddy bears and i'm forced to eat ONLY broth (wth. where's the food!)…..2 weeks later I'm able to leave. No surgery was necessary (thank god). I loved my parents for being there, despite my new little sister. They took turns, and even left her with family members when necessary until I was let out. I'm sure she felt better just to have you there, despite getting poked and prodded in her feet. Good luck with her recovery!

  14. So you're a writer, an artist, and a comedian as well as a mother of 5 and a wife…how the hell do you do it girl. Thank you Lord for sending Lani to this world and for the beautiful talents, shes blessed with. Thank you Lani for sharing them all with us, it sure lightens up one's dull days and moments.

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