Dearest Mr Bayala from Burkina Faso who needs my help to access his 4.5m dollars inheritance and who has received a spiritual confirmation that I Lani, am the chosen one who can help him,
Your story has moved me to tears. I feel very strongly of your beautiful inner spirit, your caring generous nature in your desire to help your village and save lives. I feel that we are destined to meet.
You say that if you have a foreign trustee or partner, then the bank will allow you to access your inheritance left you by your father, the former King of your country. I have a wonderful idea! I have been searching many years for a man like YOU to walk by my side as a companion in this troubled world. Your letter came as an answer to my prayers. Let us be married and then I can help access your fathers funds. We can do so much good in the world together.
My island of Samoa has been afflicted with a plague of gigantic mutant snails which have a craving for human flesh and there are many children who have lost their parents. I have long wanted to open an orphanage school for these children. Not only that, but I need money to buy special R.U.STUPID tanks armed with KOKONUT5 missiles that can be used to destroy these armies of mutant snails which have my island subdued with terror. Together you and I can bring hope and joy to many children.
Please send me one million dollars to start work on the orphanage and to begin the offensive against the snail army. Once you do that, I will be free to travel there to Burkina Faso and we can be married and live happily ever after just like Shrek and Fiona. (minus the donkey)
With love and deep gratitude, forever yours, Lani.
(A writer who procrastinates writing her next book by composing stupid letters to stupid people who think stupid email scams are REALLY going to work.)