I am Old and Have Too Many Children

So does five children.

I am really annoyed with Primary school teachers. Why, for the love of snickerdoodles, do teachers have to load up my child with sheetloads of homework every week? Yes, I’ve read all the studies done on the glorious blessings of giving kids homework. Yes, I want my kid to be a super intelligent and economically viable creature when she grows up. But Im pretty sure she can squeak by without a worksheet that expects her to: complete a Sudoku puzzle, compute 20 math problems, write a story about bunny rabbits, research maps on the internet, learn 15 spelling words, draw a Gauguin masterpiece about bunny rabbits,read two comprehension passages and answer a zillion questions.

Do teachers think I have nothing better to do with my time then sit and patiently walk this child through all this waffle? The days when I would take pride in every shakily executed A B C are long gone. When I would listen with an encouraging smile to the whining. No. There’s no more gentle persuasion or syrupy smiling at homework time in my house. Now, I am in complete agreement with that whiny child. You dont want to do homework? Me neither. Let’s chuck it. Now, I snarl “What’s wrong with your teacher anyway? Is she crazy giving you all this stuff to do? Dammnit.” and “Give me that paper, hmmm the answers are 12, 3 and 46.Now that’s enough, go run outside. Better yet, go play Xbox.” But mum, the teacher said I have to learn these spelling words. “Agh, your teacher’s being ridiculous. Nobody cares if you can spell properly these days. Thats what Spellcheck is for. Trust me. I’m an English teacher. And a writer. I know everything.”

I’m lodging an official complaint with the primary school teachers of the world. Stop giving kids so much homework. No, revise that. I’m pretty sure that parent enthusiasm for their children’s homework is directly correlated to how many children they have. So teachers should find out which kids have no siblings and then give THEM buckets of homework. All the kids with 2 or more siblings? Forget it. Their parents are hanging on by a thread to their sanity. Dont risk pushing them over the edge by giving their kid homework. Trust me. Some of us parents are just old. Lazy.Tired. And we have too many children.Have pity on us.

Have you got homework in YOUR house? Please tell me I’m not the only one who whinges about my mother homework duties.